East vs. West

... and in the middle of the stolen-laptop chaos and the flight to the East Coast comes a bombshell, utterly bewildering, decide-now-or-it's-all-over, oh-but-it's-only-maybe job offer for a long-term job as a marine biologist.... based in BOSTON. To start in spring 2010. Dependent on a Navy grant which might not even happen.

I was given 24 hours to decide whether or not I was in. Whether to commit to moving across the country again, for the long term, and abandoning Portland and my wonderful musical community here. The weird thing, of course, being, it's not even a real job offer, only a potential job offer; it's not a grant yet, it's not even a grant proposal yet, it's just a PREproposal - they won't know for months if the grant actually comes through.

How can I say yes or no when it's not even real yet? I gave a verbal yes (how could I not, in this kind of economic climate?), but it doesn't really mean anything yet. So now it's just a waiting game.

It was suddenly utterly heartbreaking to think of leaving Portland, which now seems precious beyond compare; and I am kicking myself for all the time that I HAVEN'T spent in this city; all the time I've spent running away to somewhere else. I know I won't find anything like this musical life in any other American city.

So, pro and con for moving back to the East Coast:

PRO:
Closer to family - in Boston and also in Chicago, Tennessee and Miami.
MUCH closer to Brazil and several hundred dollars cheaper!
Closer to London! Germany! Istanbul!
And MUCH closer to my friends in New York City - just a couple hrs by train - my god, I could do weekend trips!
New summer Brazil music camp has started in New Hampshire!
Lots of Brazilians to learn Portuguese from.
DREAM JOB as a marine biologist studying whales and sea turtles and seabirds.
Honestly, how often does someone say "come out on the boats with us and study whales". Every girl's dream.
About a 1/3 higher salary. This is not trivial since I've been beating my head against a wall trying to survive.
No teaching nightmares any more.
No endless crushing teaching deadlines every single damn day.
Sunshine.
Snow.


CON:
No Lions. No Brian.
No Gatas. No Pauline.
No Bate Livre. No Derek.
No Axe Dide. No Donna. No Jesse. No Andy.
No all my other friends... Jay, Blake, David, Kirin...
.... Dammit, this is positively heartbreaking. I didn't realize what a great circle of friends I have here till I
started counting them all up and imagining leaving.
Not being able to dash up to Seattle to see my friends there. No Jerry... :(
No bike paths, no 100% green energy, no backyard chickens, no Powell's - no Portland. :( :( :(
Higher cost of living.
No more research on Asian elephants.
No students. Because for all the teaching hell... the students are so damn cool.
They really take me out of myself. In every class there are 10 or 12 I get to know who turn out to be such awesome people,
and it is such a pleasure to get to know them & such an honor to be able to help them find their paths.
Lab work. It burned me out once before, and it probably could again.
Snow. ha ha.


I guess I won't know till I try.