Oh, THAT caixa pattern

... And back to my music life in Portland. I've been feeling very disconnected from my life here in Portland, till Carnaval ended, and now suddenly I'm ready to get playing again. I think part of my mind was still in Brazil. And, I was sick for weeks. And, I had to move apartments (I always underestimate how many weeks moving really takes). But also I'm still coming out of the tail end of my horrific work schedule last fall, which had me SO badly blasted I am still only now catching up. And one of the worst parts about it was, NO time to practice, NONE. I have had a very sickening sense of backsliding musically. It has been almost nauseating to me to feel my musicality fading. It bugs me when I am falling asleep at night, and thinking about my life; it bugs me a lot.

So, finally back in action this week! First time in months!!! First up, Lions.

The Lions are in a temporary reprieve from their leadership crisis of last year, Randy having reappeared to do most of the leading, and Brian back in town for a month too! Lions have a string of gigs this week, and last night's was one of those odd school shows, a multicultural fair with us playing in the gym...hordes of preteens running around in little packs, yikes... the basketball hoops right overhead. Many of us Lions were suddenly a bit shellshocked by memories of high-school gym ("I remember when that 3-point line seemed so far away, back then..." "Yeah, and I remember how when they used to hang me by my underwear from the basketball hoop every day, the hoop seemed so high, back then ....").

Anyway. The Lions did good, the dancers were lovely, but I played like SHIT. I was COMPLETELY DISGUSTED with myself. And this was after having been fairly disgusted w/myself already at Sun and Mon rehearsal. I was on caixa at first, which is not my usual instrument, and - my fault, I shouldn't have volunteered to be an alternate caixa player because I really don't know some of the breaks yet. I know it's ok to lay out of the breaks, I know I was useful anyway (I was the only caixa for the 4 surdos on the left side). But I still just felt so irritated with myself. Constantly glancing over at Sue to see whether we were still in Mocidade or Viradouro, or if they'd switched to the press roll or some goddam other bizarre pattern, oh, riiight, Mangueira version 3 with that funny buzz when we come of THAT break.... I can pick patterns up on the fly pretty fast, but I would rather know that they're coming!

For the second half, I was on timbal, and, well, on timbal, it's not that I've backslid, it's more like I never forward-slid in the first place!

But, NOW THAT I FINALLY HAVE SOME TIME, this week, for the first time in six months, I have time to practice. So I zipped home after the gig, locked myself in the basement and put in a good solid hour on timbal and two on caixa. It felt fabulous to break down the caixa patterns and really work on it again. And I was able to go to bed NOT fully pissed at myself, which was good.

And I've got plenty to practice for. Saturday will be a monster day - I'm supposed to lead a rehearsal of the new girl's group Samba Gata, and then go to my first rehearsal of Axe Dide, and from there straight to a big Lions gig that night opening for Bat Makumba. Time to WORK. If I want to not play like crap again, I have to WORK AT THIS. Work HARD.