Exhausted

It has been a really hellishly stressful week. The last week of my UW teaching job, with its relentless fury of grading; two other equally stressful jobs starting immediately; juggling a 4th job at the zoo; THREE round-trip drives to Portland this week, which means six days in the car. Housing falling through constantly. Shit, I just realized I am juggling 4 jobs, 3 bands and 2 cities - no wonder I'm tired. And it's all coming to a head this week: one job ending, three starting, and major gigs for the 2 major bands. I'm always couch-surfing and begging for beds in Portland since my long-term housing there still hasn't worked out. I'm exhausted from hopping from bed to bed, futon to floor.

And looming at the end of the week, the two events I've been waiting for for months: on Friday night, the high-profile Lions gig for Fundo de Quintal in Seattle; and then, Saturday, the finale of my two-month stint as VamoLa's music teacher and temporary director, leading them in the Solstice Parade. I'll also be hosting several Lions guests overnight so they can play in that parade, and though I'm really delighted to have them, I also suddenly realize that it means I have to clean the whole house (it hasn't been cleaned since I left for Brazil last fall!), and finish painting the bathroom. While doing laundry for clean sheets for my guests, I discover the hot water heater is leaking - uh-oh.

So this is the big week at last. It is blurring by. Grade the exams, race to UW, drop the grades off at the registrar, post the exam key, hop directly in my car, drive to Portland. Lions rehearsal, then straight to UP for a huge meeting about the biology teaching... drive back to Seattle... Repeat.

I am intensely anxious about the Solstice Parade. VamoLa has come together quite well over the past couple weeks, but they still have that odd erraticness: they'll be great in one rehearsal and then will decay to unrecognizable messiness the next rehearsal. This is a sign that most people are not solid on their parts. I estimate that only about 1 or 2 people per section is truly solid, in the sense that they don't need to see or hear anybody else to be completely sure of their part. So, if that person is gone, it can fall apart to an astonishing degree. One key caixa and one key surdo will both be missing for Solstice, so I'm scrambling to pull it together, get a back-up surdo player, beg some old caixa hands to come back. I spend a lot of time on Tuesday racing around Portland trying to track down one more surdo. I have the feeling that it will all work out in the end and that it will be a good parade, but the uncertainty is eating at me nonstop.

And I'm still weirdly worried about my own repinique playing, since I haven't had any time to practice. I've taught a lot but have only rarely played lead, in my life. It's something you can't practice in Brazil - no gringa ever gets to play lead repinique or practice leading in Rio. You can only be a cog in a 350-drummer machine. So for all my samba experience, and all my time leading rehearsals, I still have very little lead experience in actual parades or shows.

Thursday is my first free day in a month. Clean house nonstop for my Lions guests. Wrap up paint job on bathroom. Spend an unholy amount of money on a new feathered headdress, gold bikini and gallons of blue body paint and glitter. Still undecided about body paint since the weather's been pretty bad.... and given that I'll be up very late with the Lions gig, I won't really have time Saturday morning to do a full body paint job, will I? dang... I really wanted to do blue body paint but it might not be the right time for that.

Today I wasted a stupid amount of time sending out unnecessary emails to the cbc list.... I usually don't get into that kind of inane email exchange any more, ever since I completely destroyed a friendship last year with a barrage of unnecessary emails. Since then I try not to discuss things over email. But on days when I'm near collapse with stress and sleep deprivation, I will sometimes slip into those old habits and start writing lots of long rambling emails again, and that's what I do today. Sorry, cbc'ers.

I have a horrible night Thursday. I haven't had enough time to practice for either gig, I'm stressed beyond belief about my housing, my job changes, the constant running around - everything is up in the air again and I'm completely sick of it. I no longer have an answer when people ask me where I'm living. I reply "I don't have a home, " or "It's hard to explain," or "I move around a lot." I'm desperately tired. I wish I could sleep for a week.